Antiques Road-Joe!!!!

Hey all! Me and Jare(that's short for Jerry Reed) are hosting a special edition of The Antique Roadshow, Joe edition! All sorts of growth stunted mutants have brought their "rare" garbage to be evaluated. Some of this crap needs to be dumped in a volcano or pooped on by a giant, but we hate to disappoint all the crazies and HISSTANK members who came here with their whacking material.

Here, Prudence Doty brought her prototype Terrordrome. Hasbro revealed this in 1979, but China was still a third world country and couldn't produce it.When its assembled, Miss Doty gets naked and pulls a "King Kong" on it ass! Jerry appraised this piece of garbage at $15 for insurance purposes. Miss Doty was appraised at, "Euthanize Please."

Here's a classic from 1987. Its the Baroness's Lesbian Euro-trash Cottage. This was complete with chained up Gimps, Asian cooks and hunchbacks. This only stayed on shelves for two weeks before Hasbro recalled it after it was found to have tarantulas and scorpions in the well. I appraised it at " Give me that fucking thing or I will jam your dumb ass into my trunk and push my 8 dodge Aries into the ocean!" I think thats a fair evaluation.

This is the elusive 1984 accessory pack. This one came with Mutt's carrots, Doc's corn, Blowtorch's jalapenos, and Tripwire's mice! Jerry valued this at $79! This marketed towards the retarded kids who ate plastic.

Wow! "Baby Tommy Ariskagenagetichongkongphooeygaglanceito"! This was the precursor to the world famous, Sigma Six line that everyone still collects and plays with. Little Tommy featured bilingual cursing, chopsticks and a changeable diaper with both Asian and Anglo poops! A bunch of these came alive and killed some kids so Hasbro gave each family $75 bucks and pulled em off the shelves here in America. Canada still sells them, along with "Whale eating, innuit, rapist Stalker". Valued at "Beef Jerky and Guns"? Jerry is drunk and sad.

OOOOH! The Doctor Brian Bender prototype! This thing was fucked up, even for 1987! I had a dream this thing was chewing on my penis and spitting the pieces into a Fruity Pebbles box. This ain't for sale because it is made of voodoo magic and Panda hair.

The Sigma Six accessory pack was made of ghosts and whiskey and anyone who touched turned into one of these:

The most valuable item brought here today was this..."Crankcase's Pussy Wagon". Hasbro made this right before that asshole, Larry Hama decided to kill Crankcase. This was a deluxe vehicle with the following features;
-glovebox filled with rubbers
-French police siren
-dead alien in trunk
-working tape deck
-booster seat for Tunnel Rat
I valued this at a gazillion thousand three